Let’s chat about overthinking.
I felt a mixture of emotions arriving for my CT scan. I had had quite the unpleasant day with multiple stressors… never good for my insides and to top it off, the emotionally unstable time of the month had arrived (the story could end here – no more explanation needed! Ha).
The anxiety was creeping in and CT sounds important. It’s not even a word. It sounds like I should worry about it.
In a nutshell, I’ve had internal pains in my lower back for a long time. Longer than I care to think about really. Years. Weird pains. The get worse and better. They can be unpredictable. Not always the same pain. It moves slightly on it’s own accord. I have had multiple scans, physio, massage, chiro, X-rays, osteo, pain killers, opinions…
The young man who looked after me at the hospital was lovely. Efficient. He made me very comfortable – it’s obviously a ‘cookie cutter’ procedure. I was in and out in a jiffy and advised my doctor should call with results by lunch time the following day. Perfect!
Waiting at reception to ‘check out’ and validate my parking before leaving, the young nurse came and grabbed me and asked me to take a seat while he confirmed with the doctor as to whether they would need to do an MRI right away. My heart overreacted a little as I sat down and waited patiently. When he returned, he advised that they will in fact just call me tomorrow and I am free to go.
I left feeling (still) emotional and uncertain of what that all meant. If anything.
Arriving home, I was trying not to think about it. Ha!
The wise woman in me is so welcomed at these times. Once I ride the emotional rollercoaster back to the dock, which can take a while, she can always intellectualise the facts and often asks me, ‘Do you know that?’ or ‘Is that true?’ or ‘What do you know for sure in this situation?’ Sometimes she really pisses me off because I just want to have a full meltdown, but she knows better and I can talk amongst myself and work out what’s going on and why I am feeling a certain way. This takes time to understand and is a great tool to have in the toolkit.
Mind you, when she decides to flip, I, (sometimes uncomfortably and sometimes unconciously) outsource the question asking to one of the ‘rocks’ in my life.
As humans, we are emotional creatures. It’s truly a beautiful thing. Until we freak out and overthink things, make up scenarios, decide the world is ending, so to speak, all before the kettle has boiled.
What do I do when my insides are going crazy? The brain needs to be given the night off. I went straight to my yoga mat, followed by a hot shower and down time (reading, music, zen).
The following day, my phone didn’t ring with results until 2pm. ‘Late lunch’, I thought. ‘Don’t worry about me, just over here self diagnosing the end of my insides’. Again, I reign in my thoughts.
After an hour back at the surgery as soon as I received the phone call, everything is fine. I have an awkwardly prolapsed disc, which is better than all of the diagnosis’ I came up with the night before. It explains a LOT. The pain, the inability to sit down much, the tiredness, the infrequently odd pains, the general discomfort. The thing is, when you know what you are dealing with, you can deal with it. You can take the right advice, leave the rest behind and make the best decision in the interest of your health. I have, and continue, to researched medical options, exercises and relief resources.
The lesson I learn over and over again is that emotions can be crazy mofo’s. They can also be beautiful. Brains can be crazy mofo’s too. They can also be beautiful. It’s our job to balance the two. Work out our triggers and learn to tap into our insides and learn how to listen to either or both of them as required. And reign them in as required too. This is a daily, hourly, minute by minute task.
Questions for you:
I’d love to hear, so feel free to join the conversation below!
Much love, Jen x