If you’re on my mailing list, you would have read that I’ve decided to start recording these blogs! Welcome to my first ever podcast!
Personally, I get so many emails and sign myself up to receive a lot of amaaazing content, but I don’t always have the time to allocate to reading through it all. Actually, barely ever. Between creating, writing, cooking for my ‘special’ dietary needs (more on that later – it takes a lot of my time and energy!), life-ing, learning… surviving. You get it.
However, when there is a podcast recording available, I am all in! It allows me to keep doing whatever it is I need to get done. And there are also things we just cannot miss out on!
Which brings us here. You can stop reading now and just press ‘play’ at the top of the screen! I’d actually be surprised if you’ve read this far! Maybe you’re following along to see if I waiver from the written words. I probably will. Maybe you’re secretly reading this at work. I love you.
I also mentioned in my email that I have been a little nervous to put this together!
The fear of taking one step further in putting my voice out there. The fear of having my actual voice on a recording (does anyone even like the sound of their own voice?!). The challenges of technology…
I have been comparing myself to others. Amazing people, putting themselves out there in the world. Wondering if I can do what I see them doing. Wondering if anyone will actually listen. Wondering why I am even slightly comparing myself to people I don’t even know. When I do know that we all have our own unique message to share, either publicly or privately – so what they’re doing is magical, but irrelevant to what I’m doing.
Underlying to all of those things is me. And the reality – I have been judging myself, my worth and whether I had any ability to make a smidge of the difference in the world that I long for and that I know (I think) I am here for!
And here’s the kicker. When we are afraid of something, we judge it. We make up a lot of bullshit reasons or excuses (which don’t feel like bullshit at the time) as to why we simply cannot/should not do ‘it’.
I was afraid to put this out there, in fear of being judged, which I know is inevitable. Humans judge. My logical side knows the facts, my emotional side wants everything to be sunshine and rainbows. Those two cross swords often and sometimes take a while to form a mutual understanding. Did I mention butterflies?
So, in return, I was taking on the role of the judgers and just judging myself. I guess I was saving some you time! You’re welcome. Haha.
Judging is not always a bad thing… in fact, it’s just a thing. Neither here nor there. The magic happens in the next step. In the recognition.
Recognising what’s going on for us will allow us to move forward. Maybe not immediately, but after some thought and processing. Often we stew over something for days… weeks… years. Ok, well I do! We make up a whole lot of scenarios and possible reasons as to why it happened or why we can’t move past it. A lot of the time, if we just voiced what was going on for us, it would clear a space for us to be free. To get it out and move on!
So, here I am, boldly admitting, ‘I have been a judging my own self and worth’ when in reality, I don’t even know who is going to tune in until I put it out there! Hi! (*waves in anticipation*)
When I was ready to recognise this self judgement, and I can be slooow sometimes, I usually know the things I need to do personally to help me move and shift out of that space. If I don’t know – I seek. Sometimes, I don’t even know what I’m looking for. In this instance, I put on my ‘Judgement Detox’ audiobook and listened carefully. Listening is often a good place to begin.
You see, there are always tools to help you, wherever you’re at, when you are ready for them. Keep curiously seeking – and you will find what you need. It can be frustrating, but just keep seeking.
When I feel fear, I have learned that I have separated from love. From the love I have for myself and from the love I want to put out into the world. From my truth and purpose… which often leaves me wondering what that even means. I think it can take a lifetime to work it out. As long as we follow the crumbs laid out for us (or more so, that we lay out for ourselves), we are on our path. I was going to say, the ‘right’ path… but again, that’s making it either ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ when it just ‘is’.
As you get to know me… you’ll hear me say the L word a lot! I LOVE love. Seriously. But then, I also love the F word.
What I do know is, I need to keep moving, thinking, refocusing on what matters and the things I have to offer. On a side note, the things that matter can, and often do, change frequently. You don’t want to keep beating yourself up over something if it’s simply time to move on. Be smart about the things you give your energy to. We’ll talk about that.
And the rest is in the hands of the stars.
Thanks for joining me. Much love x