This blog was going to be called:
How to be thoughtful and caring, without being a pushover.
And while that’s technically still the point, even I didn’t feel comfortable with calling myself a pushover and I’m the instigator of this conversation.
Discomfort can often get in the way of a good truth chat or necessary thought chain. In fact, I am sure you would agree that both of those can feel a little uncomfortable.
I worked in network marketing for years, and one of the golden ‘chestnuts’ they tell you is to ‘get comfortable being uncomfortable’. Which is interesting… Because if you are comfortable being uncomfortable, you are no longer uncomfortable. You are comfortable. You with me?
You could be comfortable with the inevitability of feeling discomfort often… which is imperative for growth… but alas, I digress.
As soon as I came up with the title incorporating ‘pushover,’ my insides immediately went into:
A what? What did you call me? You’re writing this, and you called me, I mean you, a what? Are you implying that I…? Are you saying that I…? Yes, I am thoughtful and caring. But I am NOT a pushover. Are you crazy woman?
The answer to that last one is yet to be determined.
The rate of this discomfort setting in for me was like a steam train. It happens often when there’s a truth to be told, a fear to be faced, or a conversation that seems as though it will be much more difficult to have than it usually is. Do you ever find that with anticipation?
Embracing your caring nature and using your thoughtfulness to brighten some else’s day is one of the attributes I value most in people. It fills me with admiration and truly leads me towards a more authentic version of myself. It makes me want to hurl my sparkly vomit everywhere I go. Imagine if that was a thing!?
Which brings me to part II, this can also take a toll. Constantly giving your thoughts and energy to others, or to things outside of yourself is tiring. It’s exhausting. Mentally. Physically. Emotionally. And it’s vital that we keep doing it.
The key is to take care of yourself, every step of the way. Thoughts and compassion use so much energy, it’s easy to forget about yourself until you’ve crossed the line and stepped straight into ‘rundown’ mode. A place that can take a while to crawl out of. A place I like to call ‘crying tired.’
Your responsibility is to learn to be self aware. Get to know yourself and pay attention!
Know when you need to put the breaks on and turn that thoughtfulness and care towards the mirror.
There are always going to be people that you could give your energy to. Who you want to give your energy to.
But when you feel that line getting closer, it’s time to reign it in, take a bath, sleep, and cook yourself some of those delicious cookies you’re always baking for others!
On a side note: Sometimes my energy is so focused outwardly that I wake up in the morning thinking about random things – like the pot of lavender I walk past most days, two blocks away, that could really use a good drink of water.
Is that a sure sign that I could focus a little closer to home?
Until next time x